When a person who was previously married and had children goes through a new marriage, there is an awkward period during which the stepparent adjusts to their new role. It might be challenging for the parent or child to accept their newlywed spouse as a significant role in their child’s life during this time.
A parent or kid may also act or say in a way that acts as a reminder to the newlywed that they cannot be the parent. If you have recently been divorced and need help regarding anything, contact an Iowa divorce attorney.
Ways to adjust and respect your new partner’s stepparenting role
Most people believe that the stepparent is the only one who can establish their role and build a relationship with the stepchild. To help the stepparents form a strong connection with the stepchild and to set duties and boundaries, the biological parents have to work together with the stepparents. When stepparents and biological parents come together, create roles that complement each other, and play to each other’s strengths, blended families work at their best.
A stepparent may find it very distressing when parents make comments to their new spouse about their children, such as “You are not their real parent.” Just as much as they love their relationship with their spouse, stepparents also cherish their relationships with their newlywed spouse’s children.
Parents must play a vital role in their children’s lives and help their spouses build an attachment to them. It can be harmful to a parent’s connection with their spouse and also to their relationship with their kids when they do or say things that act as a reminder to them that they are not the biological parent.
Open communication about one’s role as a stepparent with one’s spouse is the greatest method for a parent to build this bond with their new partner and kids. A family counselor can help parents who have difficulty communicating with their spouse in order to define their roles better.
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Have Realistic Goals
When a parent with children is remarried, they can imagine their new spouse and themselves as a happy, united family. Although parents feel that their kids would welcome their newlywed spouse and want to spend a lot of time with them, this is not always the case.
Research has shown that the roles that biological parents and stepparents imagine for their kids usually vary from the roles that the children imagine for themselves. While children prefer the stepparent to play more of a friendship role, parents and stepparents usually feel that stepparents should adopt a more parental role.
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Let the kid set the pace.
The biological parent and stepparent should refrain from trying to control the relationship’s pace or force it on the child. Allowing the child to set the pace for the relationship is the first stepparenting rule. The arrival of a stepparent is another major change for a child who is still processing their parents’ divorce. If you want to control the relationship’s pace, they may feel forced to accept it, which can lead to resentment.
To let the child determine the speed of the relationship, stepparents should heed the following advice:
- If your child asks for or appreciates your affection, show it to them.
- Respect the child’s right to be this way if they are helpful but detached.
- If the youngster follows your guidelines, you can attempt to exercise your authority.
- The biological parent should be informed if the child is contesting your authority.
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Have patience.
Stepparents and stepchildren rarely bond as quickly and smoothly as adults would like. It takes time for the connection between stepparent and stepchild to grow to the point where they feel the closeness and genuineness of a family. On average, stepfamilies need approximately seven years to bond fully. Certain families might achieve this in as short as four years, while others might need nine or 10 years to reach this point in their relationship.
